Firstly, Johanna would kill me if I didn’t mention that I was grumpy from the start. That’s mostly my fault, but I think we both contributed to the rocky start. My idea of camping and packing the car is vastly different from hers, and as I rushed about that morning, it became clear to me that this was going to be an experience in compromise. We finally got everything packed in Mom and Dad’s Jeep (BARELY) and set off for the campsite.

Upon arriving, I set up the tent while the kids competed to see who could ask “Whe are we going to the beach?!?’ the loudest. When we finally got to the beach, we discovered that while Aiden loves to scream bloody murder every time he dives into the water – out of sheer excitement, James loves to scream bloody murder every time the water chases him – out of sheer terror. Yes, James suffers from hydrophobia, and here we were at the lake. Great.

Can you see where this is going? My Dad told me years ago that vacations are for the kids, not the parents. He couldn’t have been more right. The kids enjoyed themselves tremendously. I was stretched more than I would like to admit, but in the end I think I finally calmed down enough to have a little bit of a good time out there.

Without making this narrative any more boring, here are some selected highlights:

• The air mattress we borrowed from Mom and Dad comes with a pump that hooks up to the car cigarette lighter. But the pump was missing the electric cable…so I ended up filling it with lung power anyway. Twice.
• The kids LOVED learning how to play “Kick the Can” – and I am glad. It was one of my favorite games as a kid.
• Johanna can toast marshmallows so that the bottom is still white, and the top has mushroomed like an atomic explosion.
• Aiden likes to stand in the middle of the road at night.
• James likes to eat fruit snacks that have been left in a hot car to melt into liquid-sugar. When he does this, everything within reach is covered in a sticky film.
• Johanna is better at keeping a fire going than the only Eagle Scout on the trip. This is embarassing.
• James is really close to being potty trained. So is Aiden. One day he got into the tent to change, and started screaming. I opened the tent only to find him running in circles peeing all over the place because “he couldn’t hold it anymore!” I threw him into a bush outside the tent and screamed “go there!” but the damage was done. Johanna says it’s a good thing urine evaporates.
• If you sleep next to a really stinky outhouse, and already smell like two days worth of camping, a tent that was peed in doesn’t have any noticeable odor.
• Johanna knows how to cook amazingly good meals, even when camping. But she does forget things once in a while – like ketchup and mustard for the hot dogs.

A whole lot more happened, like when Johanna’s brother’s boat broke 5 minutes before they had promised to take the kids out onto the lake. Or when I showed Aiden and his cousins how to clean out a dutch oven using nothing but dirt and water (yes, it really works, too!)

I think it’s safe to say that the next time I have vacation saved up from work, I will take four days for a trip with the kids, and another four to recover from the trip with the kids.